HOW MANY MEN BECOME JEWS DUE TO THE CON...

THIS BLOG IN PARTICULAR IS FOR ENLIGHTENMENT AND ENTERTAINMENT...


INT. DR.'S OFFICE -

THE DOCTOR, 50-70'S OR OLDER) SITS BEHIND HIS DESK SPEAKING TO TONY A GOOD LOOKING MAN IN HIS 60'S. THEY ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR CONVERSATION:

TONY
HEY DOC ARE YOU SURE?


DOC
C'MON TONY YOUR WIFE WAS IN MY OFFICE WITH THE FEMALE PROBLEM AGAIN...CAUSED BY YOU(POKING HIS FINGER IN TONY'S FACE)...


TONY
BUT I SWEAR I BEEN GOOD...I DIDN'T GIVE MEDICINE TO NO ONE 'CEPT LILLY...

DOC CLOSES IN ON TONY LEANING FORWARD.

DOC
YOU NEEDA GET CIRCUMCISED!


TONY
(TONY INVOLUNTARILY CROSSES HIS LEGS PROTECTING HIS GOODS)
DOC, I AIN'T A JEW!

DOC
GOT NOTHING ' TO DO WITH RELIGION...IT'S WAR! THAT DAMN HELMET HAS GOTTA CUM OFF!

TONY
(FEELING THE PHYSICAL PAIN)
WHAT DO YOU DO SNIP THE TOP OFF?

DOC
(NODS)
YOU'LL BE CLEAN...SANITARY...I'M NOT SAYIN' YOU'VE BEEN IMMORAL...BUT YOU'RE A GOOD LOOKIN' GUY- FEMALES THESE DAYS, LIKE ALWAYS, WANT WHAT THEY WANT, WHEN THEY SEE IT.

TONY
YEAH THAT'S TRUE...SO I GOTTA GO TO THE HOSPITAL?

DOC
(NODS)
...AND NO SEX FOR AT LEAST A MONTH!

TONY
(TONY REACTS JUMPING UP OFF THE CHAIR)
DOC YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS?! A MONTH!!! I CAN'T GO WITHOUT SEX THAT LONG (DOC NODS UNDERSTANDING)...IT'LL KILL ME...I'LL GO NUTS!

DOC
THINK OF LILLY YOUR WIFE...I'VE GIVEN HER ENOUGH PENICILLIN TO SUPPLY THE ENTIRE BROOKLYN DODGERS...I CAN'T COVER FOR YOU ANY MORE TONY...(POINTS TO WALL)...SEE THAT OATH UP THERE?

TONY
(TURNS LOOKING AT THE WALL AND GIVES IN)
YEAH, OK.

DOC
(VERY PLEASED, HE'S WON FOR THE TIME BEING)
BESIDES YOU GOT GREAT INSURANCE...OUT OF POCKET ABOUT FIFTY BUCKS.

TONY
I TOLD YOU I AIN'T A JEW- MONEY AIN'T THAT IMPORTANT TO ME(BEAT) BY THE WAY...YOU'RE A JEW, RIGHT DOC?

DOC
(NODS, REACHING FOR THE PHONE, SPEAKS)
HILLY SET UP MR BUZZINI FOR LAB WORK...(TO TONY) NEXT WEEK GOOD FOR YA? (TONY NODS)...YEAH, SCHEDULE FOR NEXT WEDNESDAY(HANGS UP)...GO TO ROOM #1- HILLY'LL DO THE LAB WORK.

DOC STANDS THRUSTING HIS HAND OUT TO SHAKE. TONY IGNORES IT. TONY MOVES TO THE DOOR OPENS IT, AND TURNS BACK TO DOC

TONY
I AIN'T SAYING THANK YOU.

DOC SMILES NODS, WAVES GOOD BYE, MOVES TO DOOR WHERE TONY HAD JUST EXITED AND LOCKS IT. HE MOVES TO DESK AND PICKS UP PHONE PUNCHING NUMBERS. PHONE IS ANSWERED.

CUT TO LILLY A SWEET ATTRACTIVE OLDER WOMAN, AROUND 70. WHOSE BEEN CRYING, PATTING AWAY TEARS WITH A TISSUE.

TWO SHOT OF DR'S OFFICE AND LILLY, AND TONY'S BEAUTIFUL LIVING ROOM IN BG

DOC
MRS BUZZINI, DOC HERE...IT'S DONE!

LILLY
(GENUINELY GRATEFUL)
THANK YOU DOC...I LOVE HIM YOU KNOW...BUT WHEN THAT FLOOZY CALLED TELL'N ME WHAT SHE WAS DOIN' SEX'N MY TONY...AND THEN THE OTHER THING...I THOUGHT ABOUT PUTTING RAT POISON IN HIS LASAGNA...AND THAT'S WHEN I THOUGHT I'D BETTER CALL YOU.

DOC
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING LILLY...BESIDES NOW YOU'LL HAVE A NEW HUSBAND...A QUASI JEW.

LILLY
NO THANKS DOC...JUST SEND HIM BACK IN ONE PIECE, ALL EXCEPT FOR...

DOC
(INTERUPTS)
YEAH I KNOW...

LILLY
THANKS DOC.

DOC
YOU KNOW LILLY...WE COULD DO LUNCH SOMETIME...

LILLY
WHAT FOR?!(SHE BANGS DOWN THE PHONE WITH A LOUD VERBAL EXPLOSION OF FRUSTRATION_ MEN!!!

FADE OUT:

(C)COPYRIGHTED BY GWEN MITCHELL ON MONDAY, JANUARY 9, 2017 AT THE OUTDOOR PATIO AT PAVILIONS AT APPROXIMATELY 8:30AM IN WEST HOLLYWOOD CA. USA.