TRUTH OR DARE...

"GWEN...HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED TRUTH OR DARE?" "NO" I GUESTLY ANSWERED WONDERING WHY ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS WANTED TO KNOW. I DIDN'T AND STILL DON'T LIKE PLAYING GAMES- CARD GAMES NEVER HELD FASCINATION FOR ME EITHER...THOUGH MY EX HUSBAND WAS A DARN GOOD CARD PLAYER. THOUGH MY GOOD FRIEND PLAYED CARDS WITH THE BOYS, I REMEMBER HER TELLING ME THAT, PLAYING FOR MONEY I THINK AS WELL. NOW REALIZING HER ACTIONS WERE A FORM OF STRATEGY, AND I HAD NO IDEA OF THE IMPORTANCE OF AN ACTRESS PLAYING CARDS WITH A GROUP OF ROWDY MALE ACTORS HAD ANY SERIOUS PURPOSE. I PROBABLY HAD CHANGED THE SUBJECT DURING OUR PHONE CONVERSATION ABOUT SOMETHING I COULDN'T IDENTIFY, AND I PROBABLY SPOKE OF SENTIMENTAL ROMANTIC NOTIONS ABOUT "ALBERT" MY LOVE AT THE TIME WHO WOULD BE COMING TO VISIT SHORTLY. AND SHE PROBABLY ASKED, "HOW IS ALBERT?" "OH HE'S OK" SHOWING MY NAIVETE OF THE IMPORTANCE AND THE DEEPER MEANING OF HER QUESTION, THOUGH HER CONTEMPLATIVE NON RESPONSE SHOT THROUGH THE PHONE. AT THAT TIME SHE WAS TRYING HER HAND AT RADIO BROACASTING AND I REMEMBER WHEN MY MOM AND THE MAN SHE HAD BEEN PARTNERED WITH AFTER THE TOBACCO INDUSTRY HAD KILLED THE MAN SHE LOVED- HER HUSBAND - MY FATHER - AND MY BROTHER HAD BEEN SHIPPED OFF TO FT.DIX NEW JERSY WHERE ULTIMATELY HE WOULD GET INTO DIFFICULTY WITH A WHITE ,SUPERIOR BY RANK OFFICER, WHO HAD GREETED HIM WITH THE WORD,"NIGGA!" AND MY BROTHER WHACKED HIM ONE- THOUGH GOOD INTENTIOINS ON MY BRO'S PART- THE END RESULT WAS NOT GOOD FOR HIM- THIS WAS AMERICA IN THE EARLY PART OF THE LAST CENTURY- AND I DIDN'T SEE MY BROTHER FOR A VERY LONG TIME AFTER MY FATHER'S UNTIMELY DEATH. BUT THE MAN "ERIC" WHO WAS MY MOTHER'S PROTECTOR, SUPPOSEDLY WAS NOT- I RECAL WHEN SHE FELL ON THE BROKEN PAVEMENT OUT ON PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY IN MALIBU AND I HAD TO RUSH HER TO THE HOSPITAL AS BLOOD DRIPPED DOWN HER NOSE AS SHE CALMLY HELD WHITE TISSUE THAT TURNED CRIMSON QUICKLY AND I HAD CALLED ERIC WHILE SHE WAS LYING ON THE TABLE AS A YOUNG PHYSICIAN STITCHED HER UP. I WANTED HIM TO COME SEE ABOUT HER AND DRIVE HER HOME, THOUGH I WOULD FOLLOW...HIS REMARK WAS OFF PUTTING, SAYING, "nO, YOUR MOTHER KNOWS HOW TO GET HOME". IT WAS SO COLD AND UNCARING THAT IT FROZE ME FOR A SECOND OR TWO AND WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT SHE WAS GETTING STITCHES, HIS RESPONSE WAS DEEP SILENCE AND HE HUNG UP. SHE AND ERICWERE LIVING ON NORTON IN LOS ANGELES AND HE WAS A GUARD AT CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL AND MOM WAS A SWITCH BOARD OPERATOR THERE. AS I SILENTLY DROVE WITH MY MY MOTHER SITTING SILENTTLY BESIDE MY SIDE HOLDING AN ICE PACK ON HER INJURY TO PREVENT SWELLING, HER WOUOND WHICH CAME FROM A POLITICALLY MOTIVATED CRIME - LOTS OF MONEY INVOLVED - TAX MONEY FLOWED INTO MALIBU AT HIGH COST, EXPENSIVE PROPERTY I IMAGINED, SO WHY DID PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY HAVE DEEP TRENCHES AND CROSSING EVEN WITH TRAFFIC IN YOUR FAVOR COULD BE HAZARDOUS TO PEDESTRIANS. AND I WONDERED, WHEN, IF EVER WOULD MY MOM FIND A GOOD SUITABLE CARING MAN THAT WOULD MATCH HER OWN SENSITIVITY AND GOOD NATURE. WHY WAS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR A GOOD WOMAN TO FIND A GOOD MAN, EVEN BACK THEN. AND I REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD ONE OF MY BEST GIRL FRIENDS HOW CRUEL MY HUSBAND- THE FATHER OF MY SON TREATED ME THROWING ME OUT NAKED IN THE HALLWAY SO NEIGHBORS COULD GAWK AT MY INADEQUATE BODY AND HOW I COULD NEVER TELL MY SON, WHO WAS ASLEEP IN HIS BEDROOM AT THE TIME. "GWEN, WHY COULDN'T YOU TELL YOUR SON- HE'S YOURS TOO"OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT. "I DON'T WANT TO TURN MY SON AGINIST HIS FATHER" THEY HAD A GOOD RELATIONSHIP SEEMINGLY AND THAT'S SO IMPORTANT SINCE SO MANY FATHERS AND SONS I BELIEVE DIDN'T. "BUT IF IT'S TRUE THAT HE MISTREATED YOU, YOUR SON SHOULD KNOW." AND I CHUCKLED BECAUSE WHY WAS IT THAT THE PEOPLE WHO NEVER HAD CHILDREN COULD ALWAYS GIVE THEIR TWO CENTS WORTH, BUT ON SECOND THOUGHT, MAYBE THEY COULD HAVE A MORE OBJECTIVE POINT OF VIEW, MAYBE. AND SUDDENLY I HEARD THE BELL SOUND AND MY HEART BEGAN POUNDING AS I QUICKLY SAID TO ONE OF MY BEST GIRLFRIENDS, "OH ALBERT'S HERE, GOTTA GO!" AND I HUNG UP AND BEHAVED LIKE A TEENAGER THAT I WASN'T, AS DREAMS OF ROMANTIC IMAGES OF ALBERT AND I FLUTTERED ACROSS MY MIND, AND I TURNED THE LOCK ON THE PARK LABREA METAL DOOR, PULLING IT BACK. AND THERE HE STOOD AND SUDDEN REALITY SET IN AND AGAIN ONE OF MY PREMISES, "FANTASY IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN REALITY" AND HE SILENTLY ENTERED WALKING ACROSS THE BURNT ORANGE COLORED SHAG WITH THE STIP OF SHIT COLORED LINE RAN THE LENGTH OF THE LIVING ROOM REMINDING MYSELF THAT HE HAD SOLD ME SECOND, AS FIRST, WHICH MADE MY REALIZE THAT REALITY IS ACTUALLY ALWAYS BETTER THAN FANASY IF YOU'RE NOT BLIND, OR ON DRUGS, WE WERE SMOKING LOTS OF DOPE AT THE TIME, NOT GOOD, IT LEADS TO DISTRACTIONS AND MAN MADE TRAPS. AND HE STROLLED IN AND SAT ON THE COUCH, SILENT, AND SUDDENLY THE PHONE RANG. I WENT TO ANSWER IT, PICKING UP THE RECEIVER, PLACING IT ON MY LEFT, RATHER THAN RIGHT EAR AND I HEAD MY FRIEND'S VOICE FOR A SECOND TIME THAT DAY, "LET ME CALL YOU BACK, ALBERT'S HERE AND I HUNG UP" FEELING BADLY THAT I'D BEEN RUDE, BUT MY MAN WAS HERE, WAITING FOR ME, BACK INTO MAKE BELIEVE, DAMN IT! AND I WATCHED MY MOM AND ERIC SITTING WATCHING ME- MY MOM WEARING AN EXPRESSION OF DISAPPOINTMENT AS I DESPERATELY TURNED THE RADIO KNOB SO I COULD FIND THE STATION THAT MY FRIEND WAS BROADCASTING THAT DAY...IT WAS BRIEF, NOT MEMORABLE IN MY OPINION, BUT I HAD DONE MY DUTY AS A FRIEND- KEEPING MY PROMISE - AND MY MOTHER AND ERIC LEFT SOON AFTER, THE BROADCAST OF MY FRIEND FROM THE ADVANCED CLASS OF THE NEGRO ENSEMBLE COMPANY AND I WONDERED WHY WAS I ALWAYS DISAPPOINTING MY MOTHER, LIKE MY FATHER HAD ALWAYS STRIVING TO BECOME A STAR JAZZ MUSICIAN TO MAKE MY MOM, HIS WOMAN HIS ONCE AGAIN - WHY WERE THERE SO MANY ROADBLOCKS 0 I WONDERERED WHERE HAD I GONE WRONG. (C)COPYRIGHTED BY GWEN MITCHELL ON SUNDAY, JUNE 12, 2016 AT 10:29AM IN THE WEST HOLLYWOOD LAUNDRAMAT.